Csilla was born in 1936, a few years before World War II started. Here is her baby photo taken in Budapest, Hungary.
Csilla's mother Eva was from a small town in the wine-growing region of Tokay, which is in northeast Hungary. Here is a photo of Eva in the garden taken before she was married.
Eva's parents owned a vineyard and winery outside the town of Sátoraljaújhely and the family visited frequently. Csilla told us many stories about these visits. She remembered her great-grandmother Justine with some fear because she seemed tough and bony. This photo is of Justine holding Csilla with her older sister Vilmi.
When Csilla told us about those childhood visits to Ujhely, she remembered the house as run down, but that she liked going because her grandfather would bring in sand and make a sand pile for her to play in. And she enjoyed walking through the vineyard eating the grapes.
An early Ujhely memory of Csilla’s was taking walks with her grandmother, whom she called Mamuci. Her grandmother would point out the birds and tell the girls to keep quiet so as not to scare them away. Csilla idolized her and appreciated her sweet way of correcting her, saying, “Could you please use your spoon to eat that?” Below is a photo of Csilla in a high chair with her grandmother and sister.
Csilla also told us aboout taking “spa baths” in half-cut barrels with sun-heated water alongside her sister. Apparently this was something of a family tradition, as she told us her mother and aunt also enjoyed such baths when they were young.
During Csilla's childhood in Budapest, her grandmother often visited. Below is a photo of Csilla and Mamuci taken in the City Park on their way to Sunday mass. Csilla always volunteered to accompany her grandmother to the basilica.
Csilla's father Paul was in the military when she was young, and the family moved often. Csilla often commented how Pete resembles his grandfather.
In their family home Csilla's mother always had a corner where she displayed typical Hungarian embroidery and other handicrafts. Below is a photo of the Hungarian corner, most likely when they lived in Máramarossziget.
Csilla’s mother Eva even went to the museum in Budapest to study the costumes of the 19th century so she could make authentic versions for her daughters and herself to wear on Hungarian holidays. Csilla told us that Vilmi loved wearing her Hungarian outfit, but she was less enthused. Here is a photo of Eva and Vilmi in their traditional outfits on a day when Csilla must have opted to not wear her costume.
Pete’s parents Csilla and Jeno were distant cousins related through maternal bloodlines. While Csilla’s family was living in the town of Huszt, the Fenczik family came for a visit. In the photo below Jeno and his brother Viktor are in the back row with Jeno standing on the right. Csilla is the youngest one in the photo and is next to her sister and mother. Her future father-in-law Alexander is in his army uniform, as he served as a chaplain. At the time Csilla especially liked their dog Rolf, and she appears to be looking at the dog as the photo was taken. She told us that at the time she never could have guessed less than 20 years later she would marry Jeno!
Csilla didn’t dwell much on what it was like to be a child in Hungary living through World War II, but she did share some stories that sounded very difficult. Fortunately, all of her immediate family survived the War and shortly afterward they left Hungary for Western-occupied Germany. While living in a refugee camp in southern Germany, her father was arrested by the American Military Police. Eventually her father Paul was able to arrange for his wife and daughters to leave Germany. A number of times Csilla told us the story of the border crossing, in which a man took her mother and sister through the woods to avoid the border checkpoint while Csilla crossed through the checkpoint alone, telling the guard that she was bringing lunch to her father who was working in the fields not far away; As the borders had recently shifted, this was perfectly plausible. Apparently she was not aware of the risks at the time, but instead was interested in the food inside the basket that she was allowed to eat afterwards, telling us she hadn't had salami in a long time. There are no photos of their time in the refugee camp.
Next the family spent a few years living in Munich where Csilla learned to speak German while attending a boarding school. This is a photo of Csilla as teenager in Munich. She is wearing a vest that she knitted for a school project shortly before leaving Europe and immigrating to Brazil with her parents and sister.
Csilla spent her high school years in Sao Paolo, Brazil. There she learned Portuguese and went to a Catholic girls boarding school. After graduating she worked in a doctor's office as a secretary. Her mother Eva and her future mother-in-law Irene hatched a plan to have Csilla meet Jeno. Csilla flew to Minnesota and spent a month with the Fencziks. There she fell in love with Jeno, and after some time they were married.
At first Csilla and Jeno lived in St. Paul, Minnesota. They shared a duplex with Jeno's parents, living in the upstairs unit while her in-laws occupied the ground floor. They first son, Paul, was born in 1959. Some months later they took a trip out West, enjoying time in the Colorado Rocky Mountains.
Csilla and Jeno had daughter Denise, daughter Csilla and son Pete all while living in St. Paul. We love this photo taken the summer after Pete was born, with the three females wearing matching print dresses. Csilla made the dresses, as she was quite good at sewing and crocheting, and even made doll clothes for her daughters' Barbies.
The whole family loved to ski, and each winter they took a family ski trip. This photo was taken at Deer Park Ski Resort in Utah, with Csilla on the far right, Pete, friend Steve, daughter Denise, Jeno and friend Leslie.
Csilla and Jeno taught Kristina how to play bridge and we would often visit them on the weekends for a few rubbers and a meal. The four of us talked about Csilla and Jeno's lives growing up in Hungary, and eventually we made a plan to visit Hungary together so they could show us their roots. Here are Pete and his parents in Budapest in 1993 on "the homeland tour".
The trip included a visit to the Tokay region of Hungary, the area where Csilla's grandfather owned a vineyard and where Jeno was born and raised. We visited Jeno's home town of Sárospatak, with its narrow, cobblestone streets. In the years following our trip Csilla and Jeno traveled throughout Europe, including Italy, France, and Spain, and always enjoyed traveling immensely.
Later, when Veronika and Martin moved to San Antonio, TX, and had kids, Csilla and Jeno would visit them there. This photo of Jeno with grandnephew Stefan shows how much they enjoyed being around the newest family members.
Their first grandchild Spencer was born to Paul and Gail in 1994. Csilla and Jeno were excited to become grandparents.
Daughter Csilla and Dale's son Sacha was born in 1997, and Paul and Gail's son Jeremy was born a year later. Trips started happening to bring everyone together, like this photo taken in South Lake Tahoe of the grandparents and their three grandsons from left Spencer, Jeremy and Sacha.
After sixteen years together, we (Pete and Kristina) decided to finally get married. Here's a photo of Csilla and Jeno with us and Kristina's mom Patty at our wedding in 2002.
For Thanksgiving in 2008 we again hosted all of Pete's family at our house to celebrate. Starting in the back row from the left, this photo includes Denise and her husband Todd, Kristina, Gail, daughter Csilla and Dale. Seated on the couch are Paul, Pete, Csilla and Jeno. And the kids seated in front include Jeremy, Erich, Sacha, Abby and Spencer.
That was the last time we took a photo of the whole family together. Sadly Csilla's daughter-in-law Gail passed away in 2011, her husband Jeno passed away in 2014 and her son-in-law Todd passed away in 2015. Csilla chose to live by herself for a few years, and we started taking trips together. In 2014 the three of us took a trip to Boston and Denver. In Boston we got around by subway.
It was good for the three of us to travel and spend time together. All the losses had definitely taken a toll on Csilla, but clearly the hardest was losing her husband. She often told us how they had a real partnership and they were more than just a husband and wife. She would tell Pete never to take for granted his relationship with Kristina. Behind Pete and Csilla is the Boston Institute of Contemporary Art.
Csilla's goddaughter and niece Kathy welcomed us to her home, and we had a great visit with Csilla's nieces and nephews.
So we went to Pleasanton to help Csilla pack up and get ready to sell her house. This photo was taken on Csilla's 81st birthday. We cooked a special lunch for her and her best friend Sybil. You can tell we had been busy packing up the house, as the china cabinet behind Sybil was already empty. Csilla had met Sybil in an accounting class at UNLV during the 1970s while living in Las Vegas, as both had gone to college after their kids were born. They became best friends, and their friendship continued when Sybil and her husband also moved to the Bay Area in the mid 1980s.
Csilla's niece Erika came to visit them in Las Vegas. Erika installed these bookshelves and also created in the hallway an incredible wall of family portraits that Csilla loved.
And Csilla's godson and nephew Peter also came to visit. He was an airline pilot so he had made frequent visits to visit Csilla and Jeno over the years. This visit happened to overlap with ours, so we were able to enjoy going out to lunch together.
Csilla came back to the Bay Area for a few visits. For Thanksgiving in 2018 we rented a house with her and had the family over. Because Spencer was her first grandchild, Csilla always had a special place for him in her heart.
Here we are on Thanksgiving Day 2018. From back left are Erich, Dale, Kristina, Jeremy, Ethan (Abby's boyfriend) and Abby. On the couch are daughter Csilla, Csilla, Denise, Paul and Peter. (Spencer and Sacha had to work so weren't able to join us.)
We visited Csilla and Denise in Las Vegas again in February 2019. The four of us went to check out all the cool Chinese New Year displays. As you can see from the smiles, we had fun together.
This was a rare moment when Csilla actually wanted her photo taken. She posed next to this giant rabbit sculpture.
We had gone to Las Vegas to pick up Csilla so the three of us could take a trip to the Deep South. It was the only part of the US that Csilla had not visited, so she was eager to make a fourth trip with us. Kristina and Csilla loved the Spanish Moss at the Magnolia Plantation and Gardens we stopped at en route to Charleston.
Csilla and Sybil talked by phone at least weekly after Csilla moved to Las Vegas, and in March of 2019 Sybil visited Csilla in Las Vegas. We love this photo of the two of them. It looks like it's a promo photo for their reunion tour, if they had been folk singers in the 1960's.
Then in May of 2019, we went back to Colorado for Csilla's grandnephew's wedding. Daughter Csilla, Csilla and Pete cleaned up nicely for the wedding!
Here are bride Melissa, officiant Csilla's nephew-in-law Larry, groom and grandnephew Samuel and grandniece Diana during the ceremony.
The next day Csilla's goddaughter and niece Kathy with her husband Larry hosted a family reunion. We had a great time with all of Csilla's nieces and nephews plus their kids.
LA has a great contemporary art scene, and Csilla was interested in going to The Broad. There she proclaimed this Mark Bradford painting her favorite. Entitled Deep Blue it spans more than 50 feet.
The concert we attended included pieces by Dvorak and Ives. The Disney Concert Hall has incredible acoustics and we could distinctly hear the individual parts, like the French horn and the bassoon.
It was spectacular and we were all so pleased we had experienced it!
We were lucky we made the trip in early 2020, because soon after the Covid pandemic would cancel events like that. Csilla was able to visit us in the summer of 2020, first going to stay with her daughter Csilla in Kensington, then spending time with us in San Francisco. We took her all around, including a trip to Golden Gate Park to see the dahlias.
Her grandniece Stephanie came for a visit in April of 2020.
In April of this year Csilla decided she wanted to go back to the Bay Area and move into an assisted living community. This way she would live closer to most of her family. Thankfully she stopped needing supplemental oxygen and was able to get around using a walker. She accepted help from us, and we enjoyed caring for her. Pete joked he liked to brush her hair because he didn't have any hair himself to brush. Csilla graciously played along.
In May we celebrated Csilla's 85th birthday. She was happy to see all her family that came to the party, including her son Paul and her grandsons Spencer and Jeremy.
Daughter Csilla, son-in-law Dale and grandson Erich were there too. Daughter Csilla visited a few times every week, often with Dale or one of her two sons. They'd take Csilla out for a meal or a coffee, or do some simple grocery shopping at the Safeway across the street. Csilla loved how her daughter could make her laugh and often told us how much she enjoyed these visits.
And of course we were there. We had helped her get ready for the party and remember how excited she was that everyone was coming and that we would be able to spend time together as a family. She wanted to look good and chose this pretty dress. Kristina recommended the pearls (a gift from Jeno) and helped her get it all together. We are glad she agreed to take family photos at the party.
In total Csilla was able to spend six months living at the assisted living community, where she enjoyed the food and our visits. Here's the last photo we have with Csilla getting some fresh air on her balcony while Pete stands behind her. As we said our good byes, Pete and Csilla exchanged kisses and he told her, "I love you Mom, to the moon and back." She smiled and replied, "I know, sweetie, I know. I love you, too."
We were planning for the family to get together for Thanksgiving this year at daughter Csilla's house (because it doesn't have any stairs on the top floor so Csilla could get around). She made us promise that if she died before Thanksgiving, the family would still get together. So we hosted Thanksgiving at our house for everyone who was vaccinated. (Sacha is vaccinated but he didn't attend because his University of California applications were due.) In this photo, front row from left are Pete, Csilla, Denise and Paul, and in the back row are Erich, Dale, Kristina, Abby and Spencer.
I’m going to start with the obvious. I miss Mom. I started missing her when she went to Las Vegas to live with Denise. After she got Covid, I missed her even more. Besides the horrible physical toll that happened to her body for the months and months after her initial infection, she also experienced neurological effects. She sometimes did not know where she was and forgot how to do simple tasks, like how to stand up from a chair. People suffering from long Covid will have times where they will feel better, only to be overtaken with waves of fatigue or other symptoms. One of the most pronounced symptoms she had was with cognition. It was always hard for me to see her when she was having difficulty, but it was so much harder for her. She would often point out to me that both Dad and her mother who we called Anyu were sharp until the very end. She felt that the reason that she was having this type of problem was because she was not brave enough or strong enough, as though it were all due to some weakness on her part. I reminded her of all the things that she accomplished in her life and all the instances that showed the strength of her character.
A couple of weeks before Mom died, Dale and I went to take her out to lunch. I was getting her ready to leave and she had just gotten into her wheelchair. She grabbed my hand and pulled me down so she could tell me something quietly. She said, “You know, you and I are not that much alike. We don’t have the same personality. You don’t even look that much like me. But we share an essence … the essence of Csilla and no one else has that.” I have thought a lot about her comment and what Mom’s essence or her spirit was like. I’ll try to touch on some of the things that I saw that were part of her essence, her spirit.
Mom was very brave. While this is not an attribute that might not come to mind when we think of our mother during our childhood. We might think of the woman who yelled at her husband for driving too fast on a windy road at the edge of a cliff, or the one who yelled at her husband for taking her on a ski slope that was way too hard and scary. I’m sure we can all think of other stories that might make us think she was not brave. But when I was looking though her pictures, I was reminded of many times she showed her bravery. When she lived in Hungary I remembered the story she told of her as a 12 year old girl who helped her mother and sister cross the border by distracting the guards. After her job was done, she crossed the border and was told to wait silently in the middle of the cornfield until she saw the tips of her mother’s shoes. And I think of the girl who went to school in four different countries speaking a different language in each one. The last school she went to, UNLV, she entered as a 36 year old mother of four children. It was very brave of her to go to college at an older age with four kids still at home and then to go into the accounting field that was predominately male. When she graduated she did not get any of the offers her younger male counterparts got, but rather less prestigious positions for less pay. She worked her way up, passed the CPA exam and found positions in city government that she found fulfilling. All of this took tremendous bravery. A bravery that she forgot that she possessed during this last year of her life when she was so sick.
She was very loving in her role as a friend, a daughter, a sister, a wife, an aunt, and our mother and grandmother. When I think of my mom, I can honestly say that I never doubted the fact that she loved me, even when she was angry or disappointed in me. I realized how deep that love was after I had my own children. I called her to let her know that I know understood how much she loved us. She said, “Of course that’s how much I love you.”
She and her sister were five years apart, so besides having very different personalities they basically lived very different lives. Despite the great distance they lived apart they always stayed in close contact, especially through Vilmi’s kids. Mom loved their visits and their weekly Skype calls. I know that she did not get to speak with them much during this past year, but I think she wanted them to remember her as she was before she had COVID.
Anyone who has listened to one tenth of Mom's stories could easily see that she adored her parents as much as they adored her. She, like me, moved to the Bay Area to live closer to her mother.
Mom was a very generous person, not just giving you money when you needed it or buying you things that you wanted, but also with her home and her time. Mom and Dad invited Paul, Gail and their three kids to live with them while they saved money for a new house. We often marveled how she had seven people living in their small house. Mom would ferry the kids to daycare or school and she would help Spencer with his homework. This was her favorite part. I often heard how wonderful and smart Spencer was. Mom was also very generous with her opinions which was maybe the downside of the arrangement for Paul and Gail. Then after she sold her house Mom made sure she did not live a frivolous life because she wanted to give a maximum inheritance to her four kids.
Two of the most important roles were being a mother and grandmother. She often bragged about all of us, especially her grandchildren. She treated her grandkids in such a way that they each felt as though they were her favorite. Recently Mom said to me “I think I had the right number of kids. You have all helped take care of me.”
Just in case she did not have the chance to tell you personally, I would like to pass along some of the things that Mom said to me about my siblings.
I like to think of Paul as being her heart. She told me “Paul has his faults and I am well aware of them but one thing about Paul is that he doesn’t hold grudges.” While that may not seem like such a huge thing, for Mom that meant he had an open and forgiving heart. It was the thing she valued the most about him.
Denise was like her soul. Mom and I were talking about my boys going off to college and she was checking in with me about how I was feeling. I told her that I was a little sad and a little scared. She told me, “Don’t worry, kids will leave the house now, they will do their own thing for a while and then they will come back and they become your best friends.” Mom felt so much like this about Denise that she went to live with her in Las Vegas when it was too difficult to live on her own. Mom relied on Denise so much that when she was having problems at The Point (her assisted living community) it was Denise that she called, even though she lived 500 miles away. And somehow Denise would be able to solve the problem.
Peter was her intellect. He was the one to take her on interesting trips. He gave her thought-provoking books to read. He took her to many museums and concerts. She thought Peter was the most together of all of us because he was able to retire at such a young age. She was very grateful that Peter organized her medical care. She said, “Peter is an angel” because of all things that he did for her. She also told me that he had way better snacks than me when he brought her to doctor appointments.
Now, I want you all to close your eyes. Think of a memory of Mom, it could be anything: a moment you shared, a gift she gave you, an event that you went to together when she was brave, loving or generous. When something happens that reminds you of Mom and makes you sad, even a little thing, because it's the little things that catch you off guard. Like maybe there’s a sheep that looks like a cow or someone says “Good for you” or even when someone starts going off on a tangent and you think “you’re going to Barstow”. Instead of getting sad, think about the memory that you just remembered and let it comfort you and remind you of the wonderful, brave, generous, loving woman we all had in our lives. For me that moment was the last time I saw her two days before she died. We went on one of our small adventures that we would often do when I visited. After we got back to her room and dropped off her stuff, I walked her down to the dining room and she said, “Thank you so much for everything that you’ve done for me. I love you so much. You can’t imagine how much I love you.” I answered, “Yes Mom, I can imagine, and I love you that much back.”
